Chapter One
Friday July 26th
Part one: Closeted.
I'm Pan
I've known since I was like 12 or 13
Never told my parents. My stepdad said a thing or two when I was younger that gives me the impression gay people make him uncomfy. Yk in that stereotypical straight male way
My mom used to say it was ok if either me or my brother weren't straight. And how she has known gay people or had gay friends blah blah blah. She was lying.
Okay so I remember when I was like 15 or 16 my mom yelling at me for something (i can't quite remember) and she started saying gross stuff especially calling me a slut. And that's when she started saying that i wasn't a virgin and that I'd probably done all sorts of things with a boy. She started going into detail and I was DISTURBED. I said "I don't even like boys"
💀💀💀💀
Ik I was wrong for lying but I was very creeped out and it shut her up.
The room went silent, my mom was gobsmacked for a moment and my stepdad was behind her making a disgusted face.
She then started yelling at the top of her lungs about how i don't know what I am. She never let it go. Like my stepdad never talked about it again and I could tell something's been off there since then but my mom occasionally will bring it up when he ain't around. Usually to make me uncomfortable. (You'll see why I said this if i continue to tell my stories.)
She casually slipped that in yesterday as if I'm not 19 and pretty aware by now I'm definitely queer.
And I never told them what I identify as so my mom assumed Lesbian but can't bring herself to say it. It's comical.
OH YEAH although she won't admit it she does ask me about LGBTQ+ stuff from time to time and has purchased a about three lgbtq+ related shirts over the years. Recently a tank top with a Pan Schitt's Creek reference 😂
Chapter Two
Saturday July 27th
"Oops baby"
What's an "Oops baby"? It's a half hearted joke a parent calls their unplanned child.
I have been called this majority of my life. My mom didn't know about me until about 7 months in. She used to keep the womb photos out and it's not a hard comparison to draw between my photo and my older brothers. He was a blob and I was a clear developed baby.
Why is this about of the list? There's more to the story she wanted to tell me after I turned 18 but was angry and told me at 17.
If you read the previous story time you'd know I have a stepdad. All my life I was told my bio dad was the ex husband my mom had split from a year after I was born. (They were too much alike in temper)
She'd sent me two hours away to go stay with my "dad" (i might cover this is another storytime) after a day she was already trying to call and pretend she liked me again. Then three days she called and ended up with arguing with my "dad" from 6pm to some time past 10pm.
The next day she swerved into the apartment parking lot and forced me to go with her (i was 17)
Apparently she'd picked up my older brother from his house, drives us to grandpa's house and told us that my real dad is a man I'd never met but she'd mention a few times. She called him her stalker in previous stories she told us. He is a terrible person based off the stories I've been told. I'm not really looking to verify this because I probably already have enough terrible family drama to fill a season of Dr. Phil
I had a suspicion since I was 10 because I look a lot like my mom, me and my brother looked like twins when we were younger but I couldn't point ANYTHING out between me and my "dad" like- it made me cry when I was little wondering about it.
I do look my sperm donor and it hurt realizing my brother is actually my half brother, my little half brother and I share no blood and I'd been lied to all my life
Chapter Three
Sunday July 28th
Sperm donor
TW: death
So this is another follow-up to yesterday's story. Check bulletins if you didn't read that one.
So who is my bio father?
In one word: awful
That's what I'd been told. Again I don't plan to find out.
I remember when in my last year of high school a dude in 10th told me I look like an anime girl and a serial killer at the same time. Yeah I thought it was weird at the time too. Now it creeps me out and I think about it a lot because of the type of people I spawned from
"Allegedly" he has killed two or more people.
His own cousin then a woman he'd been with before my mom.
Her and my mom have pretty similar names. So similar that the news put my mom's name instead of the deceased woman. Here's the story I've been told: My mom and bio dad were on a date and went back to his house to watch a movie. She'd noticed the main door to the house was messed up but it didn't come off as a red flag. (Which is funny because she's been paranoid in all the almost 20 years of my life)
They were watching the movie when a woman BREAKS door down and storms in. The woman was I'm guessing pissed and throws bio to the side. Mom runs to the bathroom and tries to lock herself in. The woman gets the door open and tries to beat my mom up but the moment the woman touched her she was tased. I might not like my mom because of how she treats me but I can't lie in the stories she tells about her life she reminds me of Fezco's grandma 💀💀
Well after that the timeline is fuzzy. Like she didn't go too much into detail on certain parts and these stories were told to me though my life and she referred to my sperm donor as her stalker in all of them except this part. He shot in cousin at close range. They were both in the cousin's car. He claimed it was self defense and got off. The woman was shot in a way indicating intent. He claimed he didn't do it and there were no witnesses that would come forward. Small town.
Nowadays he is a Trumper that is proud to be pro-guns. Unfortunately I do look a lot like him in the face and skin tone. Genes are weird. My face looks like a cartoon fairy to me but he looks like the gargoyle on buildings 😬
I also have at least three older half sisters...?
Chapter Four
Monday July 29th
Cameras
Idk if this is normal but my idea was that during childhood your parents encourage you to do more and they take a lot of pictures growing up to remember you and things you fun things/achievement you did at a certain age.
Mine didn't do that. My mom used to take fake happy lil pics of me and my brother when we were super young (toddler to 7) to fill a photo book. Then I wanna say around the time her and stepdad got together we stopped going places and weren't even allowed to play outside.
There were rare times they'd show up but it was mainly for my brother's events. Actually the only events they showed up for when it came to me was a talent show in 4th grade and my 5th graduation. The school made us practice the walk, speeches and singing for weeks just for them to make me leave after like an hour. (They had the audacity to tell me we'd come back too.)
Anyway the point is they barely have one tiny handful of photos of me.
But yk what they do have??
3-4 fucking years of footage of my bedroom. Yeah. In 5th grade they installed cameras in me and my brother's rooms. They were always on and there was a monitor in THEIR BEDROOM always showing: the living room, the front door, the parking lot, my room and my brother's room. We had no privacy and they wonder to this day why I'm jumpy, always seeming like I'm hiding something, and just plain don't talk to them most of the time.
I feel weirded out enough to put this on the list because they basically have paranormal activity footage of me going through puberty. There was no reason I should feel this weird in what should've been a private space. And lastly you'd think with those monitors and cameras it'd be easy to know if I was doing something I wasn't supposed to or that they would have seen me not doing well psychically and mentally? Nope. All they did was watch me like I was a damn fish in a bowl when they felt like it and threaten to "rewind the cameras" to catch me in a lie.
Chapter Five
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Chapter six
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Chapter seven
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Chapter eight
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Chapter nine
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Chapter ten
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Chapter eleven
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© TESSISAMESS